Sara, my first impression with your site based off of the background is that it honestly does seem a bit therapeutic; I have yet to read the story, but if your title is any indication of the content of your page, then you did a good job with the font/background selection. The font, I thought, was especially calming and conducive to ‘therapy.’ I love the idea that the vahanas would be able to come together and speak of their difficult experiences with their respective god. Very clever. How realistic! It seems utterly believable that many of these vahanas would come into this setting and be on a spectrum of attitudes with regard to their experience. I have to wonder, was there reason for each of them to feel their own respective way? I guess in order to find out I’ll have to come back and read the subsequent stories you post here!
Just looked at your storybook in-the-making. Ganesh is awesome, so I am excited to read something written from his perspective; particularly a guide to happiness :) Who doesn't need that? lol
I love the picture of Ganesh on your cover page! The little mouse holding a cracker/cookie in the corner of the image is so precious. Everything about this image makes me want to know more about Ganesh.
You hooked me first with Ganesh, and if that hadn't worked, you would've hooked me with the vahanas sitting in chairs in your introduction! I have been focusing a lot on the vahanas in our readings and in my writing as well; they are fascinating. Uchchaihshravas is one of the subjects for my storybook as well :)
I am very interested in knowing about the experiences of the vahanas. Great idea!
One thing: There is still a comment box on the Introduction page that needs to be removed.
Sarah, I think this is a great idea/concept for a storybook! I was actually looking more into vahanas when I was thinking about storybook ideas, so I think it's great that you are researching more and telling their point-of-view through these stories. I also love that you decided to make it a therapy session, allowing for each of the vahanas to tell their individual story in a first-person voice. You did a great job at giving each vahana a specific, unique character, which is really great for this storybook!
A few things that I noticed: when the vahanas were about to introduce themselves, you said "Garuda gestured to Nandi the bull." I think here you meant to say Ganesh gestured rather than Garuda... Also, there were some grammar and punctuation issues that I noticed, so I would just suggest going through again and reading it to find those.
But overall, I think you did a great job with the introduction. It really sets the storybook up well, and the use of dialogue was great for character development. I am excited to read more about your storybook stories as you write them! Good job!
Hey Sarah! I love your website layout! It is so cute. I like that you chose Ganesh to be the leader of the therapy sessions. I feel like Ganesh is definitely a good choice for this. I have always liked Ganesh because I love elephants. I love that you chose a group therapy session as your storytelling style. I think that will be very interesting for the stories that you want to tell. Your introduction is a great setup for your stories, as well! I really like your first story of Nandi. I think that it reflects Nandi's character very well and you did a great job of making the story your own! One grammatical error that I caught was in your sentence "You told us that you lie for the good of Lord Shiva..." I think that is supposed to be lied. One thing I think you could do to make your stories a little more interesting is add more dialogue from the other characters, besides Ganesh. It would be interesting to see what the others in therapy think about the story that is being told. I can't wait to see what else you do with your storybook!
Hi Sarah. I really like how you are introducing your characters. It gives the reader just the right amount of details on each character prior to reading each of their stories. I read Nandi’s story this week. It was very interesting to read about Shiva and Parvati’s game that lasted for days. It sounds like monopoly to me. You did a great job of showing Parvati’s emotions and anger after Nandi lied for Shiva. It was really cool that you added the question Ganesh asked Nandi about his integrity. I was very curious to see what Parvati had Nandi do to regain her trust. I followed the link and it was easy enough to see for myself. I think it was a good decision to leave that part out. It kept the story at the perfect length. I am really excited to hear Garuda’s story. I like the way you are portraying him. You did a great job with this story!
Hi Sarah!! I really enjoy your layout, it is very simple yet illuminating. Your images are great as well. I love how you chose Ganesh as a mediator because is such a great choice for a therapy session. I like that you made the session group oriented, which will make your storytelling even stronger I believe. Your introduction explains your stories very well, so great job on that. Your first story has great dialogue and detail to back it up effortlessly! I really like that you showed this relationship between Nandi and Shiva. The emotions connected me to your story and I really like how Nandi is so on board to do anything for Shiva. I really liked your first story! I am excited to see more. Great job!
Hi Sarah! I love the way you opened your introduction. It was very easy to picture this story coming to life. The language you used was very easy to understand and had a calm vibe to it. Speaking of a calm vibe, your site is very clean and relaxing…. Therapeutic if you will. The way you give a little detail on each character is just enough. Having Ganesh lead the circle is perfect. I can imagine them planning this days an advance and being relived that they can finally get their problems off their chest. I read your story for Nandi, I love that you continued using the structure you used in the introduction. The dialog between Ganesh and Nandi is remarkable. Ganesh is very encouraging and non judgmental just like a therapist would be, even when asking why the need to lie. I really enjoy the style and structure you chose for your storybook! Best of luck on the rest.
Sarah, previously I had read your introduction, so this time I read the story of Nandi! I thought it was great! I loved how you continued the introduction into this first story-- a great transition. I thought you did a great job of reminding the readers of the characters, and yet continuing the character development of each of these vahanas that you started to develop in the introduction.
The story you used with Nandi was great--I thought it represented a great story for dedication. It was also great how you have set Ganesh as this encouraging, supportive therapist role for Nandi in this story--prompting him to tell the story, yet not judging for what Nandi says. Overall, I didn't see anything that needed to be fixed. Just another great story by you!
Hi Sarah, this week I’m going to be commenting on your Introduction. First of all, I really like the layout that you have. Everything is very clean and organized. I also like that you chose a font that was fun and different but it was also very readable. Overall, I didn’t find any grammar mistakes. Your storybook project seems like it will be very interesting to dissect these characters emotionally. I think that this was a great choice because many of these characters were not explored much or at all within the epics. I also like how within the introduction, you have managed to display each character’s personality and even give a little bit of background information. It really helped me as a reader who has never heard of these names before. Overall, I think that you have chosen a very interesting topic and did a great job on your project.
Hey Sarah! I am so excited to come back to your storybook and read the new story that you have added! As you know, I always notice grammar stuff, so I am going to point out some things that I noticed. In this sentence: In his usual fashion Ganesh looked at each of their faces and gave them a huge smile. I think you should add a comma after fashion. (In his usual fashion, Ganesh) I think there also should be a comma added in this sentence:Of course it did Ganesh! (Of course it did, Ganesh) I love that in your story you added input from others! I think that really helps it feel like a group therapy session, because it shows support from the others there. I think it definitely makes your story better! I enjoy reading your storybook because you do such a great job at capturing the emotions of all of the characters and showing who they really are. Good luck with your storybook as you continue on!
In your Storybook, I read the introduction and “Ucchaihravas”. Upon first glance, everything seems to look all right in both stories. All of your links work correctly, and the pictures seem to fit pretty well into the stories. However, you may want to go through and delete the spaces between the paragraphs to make your stories a little easier to read.
In “Ucchaihravas”, I feel like the word choice could have been a little stronger than the word “said” because you have an exclamation point in the sentence, you could choose a word that’s a little more vivacious.
In the second paragraph you say “that was typical Ganesh” but I feel like you should say “of Ganesh” instead.
In the fourth paragraph you say “Ganesh questioned Ucchaihravas” but I feel like you could use a better word than “questioned” like “prompted”.
I feel like anytime you use a speaking verb, you should evaluate to see if it is the best one used, and try to create some variety in there.
I really like the inspiration Ganesh gives near the end!
Overall, great job on the story. I really liked seeing how these individuals talked about the war between Rama and Ravana!
The layout of your site is so unique, and the colors/image all compliment each other. Out of your four characters, I only know about Ganesha and Nandi. Although I have seen many images with the gods riding an animal or creature, I didn't know that they were formally called Vahanas. The flow of your introduction and first story is easy to follow and well constructed. My own storybook is about Ganehsa, and I do know that he is the god of wisdom, so I am especially excited that you decided to make him your therapist. I like how you chose to use the image of the four recliners, in the introduction, because it really sets up the scene in your reader's minds.
I only read your first tale, to save the other for later. Nandi's story was short and sweet, but I really enjoyed it! I couldn't really find anything for me to critique. Great job!
Hi Sarah, I love that you're doing a sort of therapy for these characters! I'm biased because that is what my storybook is about also (counseling) but I think yours is going to be different than mine in that in it the characters will do their own storytelling rather than just one storyteller. I liked that you explained what a vahana was so that people who didn't know (like me) wouldn't be confused right there at the beginning. I also like that all of your characters go around and tell a little about themselves before the stories begin. I read your first story, about Nandi, first. I like that your story starts out with the group session again and is done in storytelling mode rather than being sucked into the memory. Usually I like the other way better but this way really suits your storytelling environment. It would have been nice if we had gotten to see Nandi's answer about whether or not what he did was wrong.
You did a great job in your introduction describing the setting and explaining what a vahana is. I would imagine the vahanas would need a lot of help since they work for gods and goddesses. Also, it was fun to meet each of the unique characters.
I started out with Nandi’s story.
First off, I noticed that you related this story back to your introduction by providing a brief reminder of who the characters (animals) were and setting the stage again. I think this really helps the audience connect back!
I also like how Nandi responds to having to go first, just like almost all of us would. Very relatable.
Your use of multiple pictures also helps break up your story and makes reading a little more fun!
Your author’s note does a great job of summarizing the original story and showing the audience where your thoughts came from.
I love your idea to use a therapy group as the setting for your storybook! First of all I like the background and layout of your storybook. It's simple, but clean and easy to read and navigate.
Your introduction did a great job setting up the rest of the stories. Your introductions of the different vanahas were great. It was just enough to give an idea of what was to come but not enough to spoil anything. The pictures you chose for your cover page and the introduction were great. The picture of Ganesh was beautiful and great since he is the group leader, and the picture of the circle of chairs set the scene of he therapy group perfectly.
The introduction was well written. I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation mistakes. Your writing flowed pretty well and it was easy to read. Your spacing and layout also made reading easy. I'll definitely be reading your stories more in the coming weeks! Good job!
Love, love, love your storybook! Starting from the front page to the stories and everything. The front page is really pretty and soothing, something that goes well with your title about "therapy." The colors are also really nice, the font is pretty cool, and the picture of Ganesh goes well with the rest of the profile.
I read your introduction and it was so cute! I love these kind of therapy sessions where they all say hi to each other, its hilarious. I think it was a very cute idea and smart as well. I also love your title "Ganesh's guide to happiness."
Sara, my first impression with your site based off of the background is that it honestly does seem a bit therapeutic; I have yet to read the story, but if your title is any indication of the content of your page, then you did a good job with the font/background selection. The font, I thought, was especially calming and conducive to ‘therapy.’ I love the idea that the vahanas would be able to come together and speak of their difficult experiences with their respective god. Very clever. How realistic! It seems utterly believable that many of these vahanas would come into this setting and be on a spectrum of attitudes with regard to their experience. I have to wonder, was there reason for each of them to feel their own respective way? I guess in order to find out I’ll have to come back and read the subsequent stories you post here!
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah!
ReplyDeleteJust looked at your storybook in-the-making. Ganesh is awesome, so I am excited to read something written from his perspective; particularly a guide to happiness :) Who doesn't need that? lol
I love the picture of Ganesh on your cover page! The little mouse holding a cracker/cookie in the corner of the image is so precious. Everything about this image makes me want to know more about Ganesh.
You hooked me first with Ganesh, and if that hadn't worked, you would've hooked me with the vahanas sitting in chairs in your introduction! I have been focusing a lot on the vahanas in our readings and in my writing as well; they are fascinating. Uchchaihshravas is one of the subjects for my storybook as well :)
I am very interested in knowing about the experiences of the vahanas. Great idea!
One thing: There is still a comment box on the Introduction page that needs to be removed.
Sarah, I think this is a great idea/concept for a storybook! I was actually looking more into vahanas when I was thinking about storybook ideas, so I think it's great that you are researching more and telling their point-of-view through these stories. I also love that you decided to make it a therapy session, allowing for each of the vahanas to tell their individual story in a first-person voice. You did a great job at giving each vahana a specific, unique character, which is really great for this storybook!
ReplyDeleteA few things that I noticed: when the vahanas were about to introduce themselves, you said "Garuda gestured to Nandi the bull." I think here you meant to say Ganesh gestured rather than Garuda... Also, there were some grammar and punctuation issues that I noticed, so I would just suggest going through again and reading it to find those.
But overall, I think you did a great job with the introduction. It really sets the storybook up well, and the use of dialogue was great for character development. I am excited to read more about your storybook stories as you write them! Good job!
Hey Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI love your website layout! It is so cute. I like that you chose Ganesh to be the leader of the therapy sessions. I feel like Ganesh is definitely a good choice for this. I have always liked Ganesh because I love elephants. I love that you chose a group therapy session as your storytelling style. I think that will be very interesting for the stories that you want to tell. Your introduction is a great setup for your stories, as well! I really like your first story of Nandi. I think that it reflects Nandi's character very well and you did a great job of making the story your own! One grammatical error that I caught was in your sentence "You told us that you lie for the good of Lord Shiva..." I think that is supposed to be lied. One thing I think you could do to make your stories a little more interesting is add more dialogue from the other characters, besides Ganesh. It would be interesting to see what the others in therapy think about the story that is being told. I can't wait to see what else you do with your storybook!
Hi Sarah. I really like how you are introducing your characters. It gives the reader just the right amount of details on each character prior to reading each of their stories. I read Nandi’s story this week. It was very interesting to read about Shiva and Parvati’s game that lasted for days. It sounds like monopoly to me. You did a great job of showing Parvati’s emotions and anger after Nandi lied for Shiva. It was really cool that you added the question Ganesh asked Nandi about his integrity. I was very curious to see what Parvati had Nandi do to regain her trust. I followed the link and it was easy enough to see for myself. I think it was a good decision to leave that part out. It kept the story at the perfect length. I am really excited to hear Garuda’s story. I like the way you are portraying him. You did a great job with this story!
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah!! I really enjoy your layout, it is very simple yet illuminating. Your images are great as well. I love how you chose Ganesh as a mediator because is such a great choice for a therapy session. I like that you made the session group oriented, which will make your storytelling even stronger I believe. Your introduction explains your stories very well, so great job on that. Your first story has great dialogue and detail to back it up effortlessly! I really like that you showed this relationship between Nandi and Shiva. The emotions connected me to your story and I really like how Nandi is so on board to do anything for Shiva. I really liked your first story! I am excited to see more. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah! I love the way you opened your introduction. It was very easy to picture this story coming to life. The language you used was very easy to understand and had a calm vibe to it. Speaking of a calm vibe, your site is very clean and relaxing…. Therapeutic if you will. The way you give a little detail on each character is just enough. Having Ganesh lead the circle is perfect. I can imagine them planning this days an advance and being relived that they can finally get their problems off their chest. I read your story for Nandi, I love that you continued using the structure you used in the introduction. The dialog between Ganesh and Nandi is remarkable. Ganesh is very encouraging and non judgmental just like a therapist would be, even when asking why the need to lie. I really enjoy the style and structure you chose for your storybook! Best of luck on the rest.
ReplyDeleteSarah, previously I had read your introduction, so this time I read the story of Nandi! I thought it was great! I loved how you continued the introduction into this first story-- a great transition. I thought you did a great job of reminding the readers of the characters, and yet continuing the character development of each of these vahanas that you started to develop in the introduction.
ReplyDeleteThe story you used with Nandi was great--I thought it represented a great story for dedication. It was also great how you have set Ganesh as this encouraging, supportive therapist role for Nandi in this story--prompting him to tell the story, yet not judging for what Nandi says. Overall, I didn't see anything that needed to be fixed. Just another great story by you!
Hi Sarah, this week I’m going to be commenting on your Introduction. First of all, I really like the layout that you have. Everything is very clean and organized. I also like that you chose a font that was fun and different but it was also very readable. Overall, I didn’t find any grammar mistakes. Your storybook project seems like it will be very interesting to dissect these characters emotionally. I think that this was a great choice because many of these characters were not explored much or at all within the epics. I also like how within the introduction, you have managed to display each character’s personality and even give a little bit of background information. It really helped me as a reader who has never heard of these names before. Overall, I think that you have chosen a very interesting topic and did a great job on your project.
ReplyDeleteHey Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI am so excited to come back to your storybook and read the new story that you have added!
As you know, I always notice grammar stuff, so I am going to point out some things that I noticed. In this sentence: In his usual fashion Ganesh looked at each of their faces and gave them a huge smile. I think you should add a comma after fashion. (In his usual fashion, Ganesh) I think there also should be a comma added in this sentence:Of course it did Ganesh! (Of course it did, Ganesh)
I love that in your story you added input from others! I think that really helps it feel like a group therapy session, because it shows support from the others there. I think it definitely makes your story better! I enjoy reading your storybook because you do such a great job at capturing the emotions of all of the characters and showing who they really are. Good luck with your storybook as you continue on!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIn your Storybook, I read the introduction and “Ucchaihravas”. Upon first glance, everything seems to look all right in both stories. All of your links work correctly, and the pictures seem to fit pretty well into the stories. However, you may want to go through and delete the spaces between the paragraphs to make your stories a little easier to read.
ReplyDeleteIn “Ucchaihravas”, I feel like the word choice could have been a little stronger than the word “said” because you have an exclamation point in the sentence, you could choose a word that’s a little more vivacious.
In the second paragraph you say “that was typical Ganesh” but I feel like you should say “of Ganesh” instead.
In the fourth paragraph you say “Ganesh questioned Ucchaihravas” but I feel like you could use a better word than “questioned” like “prompted”.
I feel like anytime you use a speaking verb, you should evaluate to see if it is the best one used, and try to create some variety in there.
I really like the inspiration Ganesh gives near the end!
Overall, great job on the story. I really liked seeing how these individuals talked about the war between Rama and Ravana!
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteThe layout of your site is so unique, and the colors/image all compliment each other. Out of your four characters, I only know about Ganesha and Nandi. Although I have seen many images with the gods riding an animal or creature, I didn't know that they were formally called Vahanas. The flow of your introduction and first story is easy to follow and well constructed. My own storybook is about Ganehsa, and I do know that he is the god of wisdom, so I am especially excited that you decided to make him your therapist. I like how you chose to use the image of the four recliners, in the introduction, because it really sets up the scene in your reader's minds.
I only read your first tale, to save the other for later. Nandi's story was short and sweet, but I really enjoyed it! I couldn't really find anything for me to critique. Great job!
Hi Sarah, I love that you're doing a sort of therapy for these characters! I'm biased because that is what my storybook is about also (counseling) but I think yours is going to be different than mine in that in it the characters will do their own storytelling rather than just one storyteller. I liked that you explained what a vahana was so that people who didn't know (like me) wouldn't be confused right there at the beginning. I also like that all of your characters go around and tell a little about themselves before the stories begin. I read your first story, about Nandi, first. I like that your story starts out with the group session again and is done in storytelling mode rather than being sucked into the memory. Usually I like the other way better but this way really suits your storytelling environment. It would have been nice if we had gotten to see Nandi's answer about whether or not what he did was wrong.
ReplyDeleteSarah,
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job in your introduction describing the setting and explaining what a vahana is. I would imagine the vahanas would need a lot of help since they work for gods and goddesses. Also, it was fun to meet each of the unique characters.
I started out with Nandi’s story.
First off, I noticed that you related this story back to your introduction by providing a brief reminder of who the characters (animals) were and setting the stage again. I think this really helps the audience connect back!
I also like how Nandi responds to having to go first, just like almost all of us would. Very relatable.
Your use of multiple pictures also helps break up your story and makes reading a little more fun!
Your author’s note does a great job of summarizing the original story and showing the audience where your thoughts came from.
Great job.
Hi Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI love your idea to use a therapy group as the setting for your storybook! First of all I like the background and layout of your storybook. It's simple, but clean and easy to read and navigate.
Your introduction did a great job setting up the rest of the stories. Your introductions of the different vanahas were great. It was just enough to give an idea of what was to come but not enough to spoil anything. The pictures you chose for your cover page and the introduction were great. The picture of Ganesh was beautiful and great since he is the group leader, and the picture of the circle of chairs set the scene of he therapy group perfectly.
The introduction was well written. I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation mistakes. Your writing flowed pretty well and it was easy to read. Your spacing and layout also made reading easy. I'll definitely be reading your stories more in the coming weeks! Good job!
Hey Sarah!
ReplyDeleteLove, love, love your storybook! Starting from the front page to the stories and everything. The front page is really pretty and soothing, something that goes well with your title about "therapy." The colors are also really nice, the font is pretty cool, and the picture of Ganesh goes well with the rest of the profile.
I read your introduction and it was so cute! I love these kind of therapy sessions where they all say hi to each other, its hilarious. I think it was a very cute idea and smart as well. I also love your title "Ganesh's guide to happiness."